Act 2 arms and the man

Act 1

Night. A lady's bedchamber in Bulgaria, in a small town near the Dragoman Pass, late in -November in the year 1885. Through an open window with a little balcony, a peak of the

Balkans, wonderfully white and beautiful in the starlit snow, seems quite close at hand, though it is really miles away. Above the head of the bed, which stands against a little wall cutting off the corner of the room diagonally, is a painted wooden shrine, blue and gold, with an ivory image of Christ, and a light hanging before it in a pierced metal ball suspended by three chains. The principal seat, placed towards the other side of the room and opposite the window, is a Turkish ottoman.

The washstand, against the wall on the side nearest the ottoman and window, consists of an enamelled iron basin with a pail beneath it in a painted metal frame, and a single towel on the rail at the side. A chair near it is of Austrian bent wood, with cane seat. The dressing table, between the bed and the window, is an ordinary pine table, covered with a cloth of many colors, with an expensive toilet mirror on it.

The door is on the side nearest the bed; and there is a chest of drawers between. This chest of drawers is also covered by a variegated native cloth; and on it there is a pile of paper backed novels, a box of chocolate creams, and a miniature easel with a large photograph of an extremely handsome officer, whose lofty bearing and magnetic glance can be felt even from the portrait. The room is lighted by a candle on the chest of drawers, and another on the dressing table with a box of matches beside it.         

The window is hinged doorwise and stands wide open. Gut-side, a pair of wooden shutters, opening outwards, also stand open. On the balcony a young lady, intensely conscious of the romantic beauty of the night, and of the fact that her own youth and beauty are part of it, is gazing at the snowy Balkans. She is covered by a long mantle of furs, worth, on a moderate estimate, about three times the furniture of her room.

After going her mother and Luoka she left alone.

 A MAN'S VOICE [in the darkness, subduedly, but threateningly} Sh sh ! Dont call out; or youll be shot. Be good ; and no harm will happen to you. [She is heard leaving her bed, and making for the door]. Take care : it's no use trying to run away. Remember : if you raise your voice my revolver will go off. \Commandingly\. Strike a light and let me see you. Do you hear. [Another moment of silence and darkness as she retreats to the dressing-table. Then she lights a candle ; and the mystery is at an end. He is a man of about 35, in a deplorable plight, bespattered with mud and blood and snow, his belt and the strap of his revolver- case keeping together the torn ruins of the blue tunic of a Servian artillery officer. All that the candlelight and his unwashed, unkempt condition make it possible to discern is that be is of middling stature and undistinguished appearance, with strong neck and shoulders; a roundish y obstinate looking head covered with short, crisp bronze curls ; clear quick blue eyes and good brows and mouth ; a hopelessly prosaic nose like that of a strong minded baby; trim soldierlike carriage and energetic manner ; and with all his wits about him in spite of his desperate predicament : even with a sense of the humor of it, without, however, the least intention of trijling with it or throwing away a chance.

He reckons up what he can guess about Raina her age, her social position, her character, the extent to which she is frightened at a glance, and continues, more politely but still most determinedly] Excuse my disturbing you ; but you recognise my uniform Servian ! If I'm caught I shall be killed. [Menacingly'} Do you understand that?

RAINA. Yes.

MAN. Well, I dont intend to get killed if I can help it. [Still more formidably} Do you understand that? [He locks the door with a snap].

MAN [with grim goodhumor] All of them, dear lady, all of them, believe me. It is our duty to live as long as we can. Now, if you raise an alarm………

MAN [cunningly] Ah ; but suppose I dont shoot you, what will happen then ? Why, a lot of your cavalry the greatest blackguards in your army will burst into this pretty room of yours and slaughter me here like a pig ; for I'll fight like a demon : [Raina, suddenly conscious of her night- gown, instinctively shrinks^ and gathers it more closely about

her. He watches her, and adds, pitilessly} Hardly presentable, ch ? [She turns to the ottoman. He raises his pistol instantly, and cries'} Stop ! [She stops']. Where are you going ?

RAINA [with dignified patience} Only to get my cloak.

MAN [crossing swiftly to the ottoman and snatching the cloak} A good idea! No: I'll keep the cloak ; and you will take care that nobody comes in and sees you without it. This is a better weapon than the revolver. [He throws the pistol down on the ottoman],

RAINA [revolted} It is not the weapon of a gentleman!

MAN. It's good enough for a man with only you to stand between him and death. [As they look at one another for a moment, Raina hardly able to believe that even a Servian officer can be so cynically and selfishly unchivalrous, they are startled by a sharp fusillade in the street. The chill of imminent death hushes the man's voice as he adds} Do you hear? If you are going to bring those scoundrels in on me you shall receive them as you are. [Raina meets his eye with unflinching scorn. Suddenly he starts, listening. There is a step outside. Someone tries the door, and then knocks hurriedly and urgently at it. Raina looks at him, breathless. He throws up his head with the gesture of a man who sees that it is all over with him, and, dropping the manner he has been assuming to intimidate her, fiings the cloak to her, exclaiming, sincerely and kindly} No use : I'm done for. Quick ! wrap yourself up : theyre coming !

After Louka informing   

RAINA [impulsively} I'll help you. Hide yourself, oh,hide yourself, quick, behind the curtain. [She seizes him by a torn strip of his sleeve, and pulls him towards the window}.

MAN [yielding to her~\ Theres just half a chance, if you keep your head. Remember: nine soldiers out of ten are born fools. [He hides behind the curtain, looking out for a moment to say, finally] If they find me, I promise you a fight a devil of a fight ! [He disappears. Raina takes off the cloak and throws it across t hi foot of the bed. Then, with a sleepy, disturbed air, she opens ne door. Louka enters excitedly)

A young Russian officer, in Bulgarian uniform, enters, sword in hand. After his leaving.

The man immediately steps out from behind the curtain, sheathing his sabre, and dismissing the danger from his mind in a businesslike way],

MAN. A narrow shave ; but a miss is as good as a mile. Dear young lady : your servant to the death. I wish for your sake I had joined the Bulgarian army instead of the Servian. I am not a native Servian.

MAN. Austrian ! not I. Dont hate me, dear young lady. I am a Swiss, fighting merely as a^ professional soldier. I joined Servia because it came first ontEeTuaiHium Gwitzer- land. Be generous : you have beaten us hollow.

MAN [grinning wearily at the sarcasm as he takes the pistol] No use, dear young lady: theres nothing in it. It's not loaded. He makes a grimace at it, and drops it disparagingly into his revolver case]

MAN. Ive no ammunition. What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead; and JL finished \ the last cake of that hours ago.

MAN [hungrily] I wish I had some now.

MAN [ravenously] You are an angel! [He gobbles the comfits]. Creams! Delicious! [He looks anxiously to see whether there are any more. There are none. He accepts the inevitable with pathetic goodhumor, and says, with grateful emotion]    Bless you, dear lady! Thank you. [He hands back the box.  Would you like to see me cry ?

RAINA [alarmed] No.

[Touched by the sympathy in her tone, he raises his head and looks gratefully at her : she immediately draws back and says stiffly] You must excuse me : our soldiers are not like that. [She moves away from the ottoman].

MAN. Oh yes they are: half of your fellows never smelt powder before. Why, how is it that youve just beaten us? Sheer ignorance of the art of war, nothing else. [Indignantly] I never saw anything so unprofessional.

   

MAN. Ah, perhaps not of course! Well, it's a funny sight. It's like slinging a handful of peas against a window pane: first one comes; then two or three close behind him; and then all the rest in a lump.

MAN [goodhumoredly] Thats what youd have said if youd seen the first man in the charge to-day,a regular handsome fellow, with flashing eyes and lovely moustache, shouting his war-cry and charging like Don Quixote at the windmills. And I hadnt even a revolver cartridge nothing but chocolate

MAN. Shall I ever forget him! [He looks at the portrait again] Yes : thats him : not a doubt of it. [He stifles a laugh],

MAN. I didnt laugh. At least I didnt mean to. Perhaps I'm quite wrong,

MAN. [changing countenance] Down that waterpipe ! Stop ! Wait ! I cant ! I darent ! The very thought of it makes me giddy. I came up it fast enough with death behind me. But to face it now in cold blood ! [He sinks on the ottoman]. It's no use : I give up : I'm beaten. Give the alarm. [He drops his head on his hands in the deepest dejection]

MAN [dreamily, lulled by her voice] No: capture only means death ; and death is sleep oh, sleep, sleep, sleep, undisturbed sleep.

MAN [staggering up, roused by her desperation} Of course I must do something. [He shakes himself; pulls himself together; and speakt with rallied vigor and courage]. You see, sleep or no sleep, hunger or no hunger, tired or not tired, you can always do a thing when you know it must be done. Well, that pipe must be got down: [he hits himself on the chest] do you hear that, you chocolate cream soldier? [He turns to the window].

MAN. I shall sleep as if the stones were a feather bed. Good-bye. [He makes boldly for the window ; and his hand is on the shutter when there is a terrible burst of firing in the street beneath]

RAINA [rushing to him] Stop ! [She seizes him recklessly, 

and pulls him quite round], Theyll kill you. 

MAN [coolly, but attentively] Never mind: I really dont want to be troublesome.

MAN. Oh yes, of course. I beg your pardon. The Petkoffs, to be sure. [Pretending to be deeply impressed} A Major ! Bless me !

MAN. A library? A roomful of books? I should like to see that.

MAN. Dont be angry : you see how awkward it would be for me if there was any mistake. My father is a very hospitable man : he keeps six hotels ; but I couldnt trust him as far as that.

MAN [kissing it with his hands behind his back] Thanks, gracious young lady : I feel safe at last. And now would you mind breaking the news to your mother ? I had better not stay here secretly longer than is necessary.            

MAN. Eh ? Falling aslee ? Oh no : not the least in the world.

MAN [drowsily] Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, slee [The words trail off into a murmur. He wakes again with a shock on the point of falling]. Where am I ? Thats what I want to know : where am I ? Must keep awake. Nothing keeps me awake except danger remember that [intently] danger, danger, danger, dan [trailing off again : another shack] Wheres danger ? Mus' find it. [He starts off vaguely round the room in search of it]. What am I looking for ? Sleep danger dont know. [He stumbles against

the bed]. Ah yes : now I know. All right now. I'm to go to bed, but not to sleep be sure not to sleep because of danger. Not to lie down either, only sit down. [He sits on the bed. A blissful expression comes into his face]. Ah!

[With a happy sigh he sinks back at full length ; lifts his boots into the bed with a final effort ; and falls fast asleep instantly],

Louka appears at the door of the house, announcing Captain Bluntschli. She stands aside at the top of the steps to let him pass before she goes in again. He is the man of the midnight adventure in Raina's room, clean, well brushed, smartly uniformed, and out of trouble, but still unmistake ably the same man. The moment Louka's back is turned, Catherine swoops on him with impetuous   urgent, coaxing appeal]. Captain Bluntschli : I am very glad to see you ; but you must leave this house at once. [He raises his eyebrows']. My husband has just returned, with my future son-in-law; and they know nothing. If they did, the consequences would be terrible. You are a foreigner: you do not feel our national animosities as we do. We still hate the Servians : the only effect of the peace on my husband is to make him feel like a lion  baulked of his prey. If he discovered our secret, he would never forgive me ; and my daughter's life would hardly be safe. Will you, like the chivalrous gentleman and soldier you are, leave at once before Tie finds you here? 

Act II Arms and the Man 43 

BLUNTSCHLI [disappointed, but philosophical] At once, gracious lady. I only came to thank you and return the coat you lent me. If you will allow me to take it out of 

my bag and leave it with your servant as I pass out, I need detain you no further. [He turns to go into the house]. 

CATHERINE [catching him by the sleeve] Oh, you must not think of going back that way. [Coaxing him across to the stable gates] This is the shortest way out. Many thanks.So glad to have been of service to you. Good-bye. 

BLUNTSCHLI. But my bag ? 

CATHERINE. It shall be sent on. You will leave me your address. 

BLUNTSCHLI. True. Allow me. [He takes out his card- case, and stops to write his address, keeping Catherine in an agony of impatience. As he hands her the card,Petkojf, hat less, rushes from the house in a Jluster of hospitality, followed by 

Sergius]. 

PETKOFF [as he hurries down the steps] My dear Captain Bluntschli PETKOFF [toopreoccupied to notice her as he shakes Bluntschlfs hand heartily] Those stupid people ofmine thought I was out here, instead of in the haw ! library [He cannot mention thelibrary without betraying how proud he is of it]. I saw you through the window. I was wondering why you didnt come in. Saranoff is withme : you remember him, dont you ? 

SERGIUS [saluting humorously, and then offering his land with great charm of manner] Welcome, our friend the enemy ! 

PETKOFF. No longer the enemy, happily. [Rather anxiously] I hope youve called as afriend, and not about horses or prisoners eh ? 

CATHERINE. Oh, quite as a friend, Paul. I was just asking Captain Bluntschli to stay tolunch ; but he de- clares he must go at once. 

SERGIUS [sardonically'] Impossible, Bluntschli. We want you here badly. We have tosend on three cavalry regiments to Philippopolis ; and we dont in the least know how to do it. 

BLUNTSCHLI [suddenly attentive and businesslike} Philip- popolis ? The forage is the trouble, I suppose. 

PETKOFF [eagerly] Yes : thats it. [To Sergius] He sees the whole thing at once. 

BLUNTSCHLI. I think I can shew you how to manage that. 

SERGIUS. Invaluable man ! Come along ! [Towering over Bluntschli, he puts his hand on his shoulder and takes him to the steps, Petkoff following. As Bluntschli puts his foot on the first step, Raina comes out of the house]. 

RAINA [completely losing her presence of mind] Oh ! The chocolate cream soldier !- 

Bluntschli stands rigid. Sergius, amazed, looks at Raina, then at Petkoff, who looks back at him and then at his wife. 

CATHERINE [with commanding presence of mind] My dear Raina, dont you see that we have a guest here ? Captain Bluntschli, one of our new Servian friends. 

Raina bows : Bluntschli bows. 

RAINA. How silly of me ! [She comes down into the centre of the group, betweenBluntschli and Petkoff], I made a beautiful ornament this morning for the ice pudding ; and that stupid Nicola has just put down a pile of plates on it and spoiled it. [To Bluntschli, winningly] I hope you didnt think that you were the chocolate cream soldier, Captain Bluntschli. 

BLUNTSCHLI [laughing] I assure you I did,, [Stealing a whimsical glance at her] Your explanation was a relief.

In the library after lunch. 

BLUNTSCHLI \without interrupting his writing or looking up] Quite sure, thank you. Saranoff and I will manage it. 

SERGIUS [grimly] Yes : we'll manage it. He finds out what to do ; draws up the orders ; and I sign em. Division of labour, Major. \_Bluntschli passes him a paper\. Another 

one? Thank you. [He plants the paper squarely before him ; sets his chair carefully parallel to it ; and signs with the air of a man resolutely performing a difficult and dangerous feaf\. This hand is more accustomed to the sword than to the pen. 

BLUNTSCHLI [to Sergius, handing a paper] Thats the last order. 

PETKOFF [jumping up~\ What ! finished ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Finished. [Petkojfgoes beside Sergius; looks curiously over his left shoulder as he signs; and says with childlike envy] Havnt you anything for me to sign ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Not necessary. His signature will do. 

PETKOFF. Ah well, I think weve done a thundering good day's work. [He goes away from the table]. Can I do any- thing more ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. You had better both see the fellows that are to take these. [To Sergius] Pack them off at once ; and shew them that Ive marked on the orders the timethey should hand them in by. Tell them that if they stop to drink or tell stories if theyre five minutes late, theyll have the skin taken off their backs. 

SERGIUS [rising indignantly'] I'll say so. And if one of them is man enough to spit in my face for insulting him, I'll buy his discharge and give him a pension. [He strides out, his humanity deeply outraged], 

BLUNTSCHLI [confidentially] Just see that he talks to them 

properly, Major, will you ? 

PETKOFF [officiously] Quite right, Bluntschli, quite right. I'll see to it. [He goes to the door importantly, but hesitates on the threshold]. By the bye, Catherine, you may as welcome too. Theyll be far more frightened of you than of me. 

CATHERINE [putting down her embroidery] I daresay I had better. You will only splutter at them. [She goes out, Petkoff holding the door for her and following her], 

BLUNTSCHLI. What a. country ! They make cannons out of cherry trees ; and the officers send for their wives to keep discipline ! [He begins to fold and docket the papers. Raina, who has risen from the divan, strolls down the room with her hands clasped behind her, and looks mischievously at him]. 

RAINA. You look ever so much nicer than when we last met. [He looks up, surprised]. What have you done to yourself? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Washed ; brushed ; good night's sleep and 

breakfast. Thats all. 

RAINA. Did you get back safely that morning ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Quite, thanks. 

RAINA. Were they angry with you for running away from Sergius's charge ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. No, they were glad ; because theyd all just run away themselves. 

RAINA [going to the table, and leaning over it towards him] It must have made a lovely story for them all that about me and my room. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Capital story. But I only told it to oneof them a particular friend. 

RAINA. On whose discretion you could absolutely rely ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Absolutely. 

RAINA. Hm ! He told it all to my father and Sergius the day you exchanged the prisoners. [She turns away and trolls carelessly across to the other side of the room]. 

BLUNTSCHLI [deeply concerned, and half incredulous] No ! you dont mean that, do you ? 

RAINA [turning, with sudden earnestness] I do indeed. But they dont know that it was in this house you took refuge. If Sergius knew, he would challenge you and kill you in a duel. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Bless me ! then dont tell him. 

RAINA [full of reproach for his levity] Can you realize what it is to me to deceive him ? I want to .he-quite perfect with Sergius no meanness, no smallness, no deceit. My relation to him is the_one really beautiful and noble part of my life. I hope you can understand that. 

BLUNTSCHLI [sceptically] You mean that you wouldnt like him to find out that the story about the ice pudding was a a a You know. 

RAINA [wincing] Ah, dont talk of it in that flippant way. I lied : I know it. But I did it to save your life. He would have killed you. That was the second time I ever uttered a falsehood. [Bluntschli rises quickly and looks doubt- fully and somewhat severely at her]. Do you remember the first time ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. I ! No. Was I present ? RAINA. Yes ; and I told the officer who was searching for you that you were not present. 

BLUNTSCHLI. True. I should have remembered it. 

RAINA [greatly encouraged] Ah, it is natural that you should forget it first. It cost you nothing : it cost me a lie ! a lie ! ! [She sits down on the ottoman, looking straight 

before her with her hands clasped on her knee. Bluntschli, quite touched, goes to the ottoman with a particularly reassuring and considerate air, and sits down beside her]. 

BLUNTSCHLI. My dear young lady, dont let this worry you. Remember : I'm a soldier. Now what are the two things that happen to a soldier so often that he comes to think nothing of them ? One is hearing people tell lies [Raina recoils} : the other is getting his life saved in all sorts of ways by all sorts of people. 

RAINA [rising in indignant protest] And so he becomes a creature incapable of faith and of gratitude. 

BLUNTSCHLI [making a wry face~\ Do you like gratitude ? I dont. If pity is akin to love, gratitude is akin to the other thing. 

RAINA. Gratitude ! [Turning on him] If you are incap- able of gratitude you are incapable of any noble sentiment. Even animals are grateful. Oh, I see now exactly what 

you think of me ! You were not surprised to hear me lie. To you it was something I probably did every day every hour. That is how men think of women. [She walks up the room melodramatically], 

BLUNTSCHLI \dubiously\ Theres reason in everything. You said youd told only two lies in your whole life. Dear young lady : isnt that rather a short allowance ? I'm -quite a straightforward man myself; but it wouldnt last me a whole morning. 

RAINA [staring haughtily at him] Do you know, sir, that you are insulting me ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. I cant help it. When you get into that / noble attitude and speak in that thrilling voice, I admire : ; you"7 but I find it impossible to believe a singleword you say. 

RAINA [superbly} Captain Bluntschli ! 

BLUNTSCHLI [unmoved] Yes ? 

RAINA [coming a little towards him, as if she could not believe her senses'} Do you mean what you said just now ? Do you know what you said just now ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. I do. 

RAINA [gasping] I ! I ! ! ! [ She points to herself incredu* ously, meaning "I, Raina Petkojf, tell ties!" He meets her gaze unflinchingly. She suddenly sits down beside kirn, and adds, with a complete change of manner from the heroic to the familiar] How did you find me out ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [promptly] Instinct, dear young lady. In- stinct, and experience of the world. 

RAINA [wonderingly] Do you know, you are the first man I ever met who did not take me seriously ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. You mean, dont you, that I am the first 

man that has ever taken you quite seriously ? 

RAINA. Yes, I suppose I do mean that. [Cosily, quite at her ease with him] How strange it is to be talked to in such a way ! You know, Ive always gone on like that I mean the noble attitude and the thrilling voice. I did it when I was a tiny child to my nurse. She believed in it. I do it before my parents. They believe in it. I do it before Sergius. He believes in it. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Yes : he's a little in that line himself, isnt he? 

RAINA [startled] Do you think so ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. You know him better than I do. 

RAINA. I wonder I wonder is he? If I thought that ! [Discouraged] Ah, well : what does it matter? I suppose, now youve found me out, you despise me. 

BLUNTSCHLI [warmly, rising] No, my dear young lady, no, no, no a thousand times. It's part of your youth part of your charm. I'm like all the rest of them the nurse your parents Sergius : I'm your infatuated admirer. 

RAINA [pleased] Really ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [slapping his breast smartly with his hand t German fashion] Hand aufs Herz ! Really and truly. 

RAINA [very happy] But what did you think of me for giving you my portrait ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [astonished] Your portrait ! You never gave me your portrait. 

BLUNTSCHLI. No. [He sits down beside her, with renewed interest, and says, with some complacency] When did you send it to me ? 

RAINA {indignantly} I did not send it to you. [She turns her head away, and adds, reluctantly] It was in the pocket of that coat. 

BLUNTSCHLI [pursing his lips and rounding his eyes] Oh-o- oh ! I never found it. It must be there still. 

RAINA [springing up] There still ! for my father to find the first time he puts his hand in his pocket ! Oh, how could you be so stupid ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [rising also] It doesnt matter : it's only a photograph : how can he tell who it was intended for ? Tell him he put it there himself. 

RAINA [impatiently] Yes : that is so clever so clever ! Oh, what shall I do ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. Ah, I see. You wrote something on it. That was rash. 

RAINA [annoyed almost to tears] Oh, to have done such a thing for you, who care no more except to laugh at me oh ! Are you sure nobody has touched it ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Well, I cant be quite sure. You see, I couldnt carry it about with me all the time : one cant take much luggage on active service. 

RAINA. What did you do with it ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. When I got through to Peerot I had to put it in safe keeping somehow. I thought of the railway cloak room ; but thats the surest place to get looted in modern warfare. So I pawned it. 

RAINA. Pawned it!!! 

BLUNTSCHLI. I know it doesnt sound nice ; but it was much the safest plan. I redeemed it the day before yester- day. Heaven only knows whether the pawnbroker cleared out the pockets or not. 

RAINA \Jurious throwing the words right into his face] You have a low, shopkeeping mind. You think of things that would never come into a gentleman's head. 

BLUNTSCHLI [phlegmatically] Thats the Swiss national character, dear lady. 

RAINA. Oh, I wish I had never met you. [She flounces away, and sits at the window fuming]. 

BLUNTSCHLI [to Ratna] Will you excuse me : the last postal delivery that reached me was three weeks ago. These are the subsequent accumulations. Four telegrams 

a week old. [He opens one]. Oho ! Bad news ! RAINA [rising and advancing a little remorsefully] Bad news ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. My father's dead. [He looks at the telegram with his lips pursed, musing en the unexpected change in his arrangements], 

RAINA. Oh, how very sad ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. Yes : I shall have to start for home in an hour. He has left a lot of big hotels behind him to be looked after. [He takes up a fat letter in a long blue envelope]. Here's a whacking letter from the family solicitor. [He pulls out the enclosures and glances over them]. Great Heavens ! Seventy ! Two hundred ! [In a crescendo of dismay] Four hundred ! Four thousand ! .' Nine thousand six hundred ! ! ! What on earth shall I do with them all ! 

RAINA [timidly] Nine thousand hotels ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Hotels ! nonsense. If you only knew ! oh, it's too ridiculous ! Excuse me : I must give my 

fellow orders about starting. [He leaves the room hastily, with the documents in his hand}. 

SERGIUS. You allow him to make love to you behind my back, just as you accept me as your affianced husband behind his. Bluntschli : you knew our relations j and you deceived me. It is for that that I call you to account, not for having received favors / never enjoyed. 

BLUNTSCHLI [jumping up indignantly] Stuff ! Rubbish ! 

I have received no favors. Why, the young lady doesnt even know whether I'm married or not. 

RAINA [forgetting herself] Oh ! [Collapsing en the otto- man] Are you ? 

SERGIUS. You see the young lady's concern, Captain Bluntschli. Denial is useless. You have enjoyed the privilege of being received in her own room, late at night 

BLUNTSCHLI [interrupting him pepperily] Yes, you block- head ! She received me with a pistol at her head. Your cavalry were at my heels. I'd have blown out her brains if she'd uttered a cry. 

SERGIUS [taken aback] Bluntschli ! Raina : is this true ? 

RAINA [rising in wrathful majesty] Oh, how dare you, 

how dare you ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Apologize, man : apologize ! [He resumes 

his seat at the table], 

SERGIUS [with the old measured emphasis, folding his arms] I never apologize ! 

RAINA [passionately] This is the doing of that friend of yours, Captain Bluntschli. It is he who is spreading this horrible story about me. [She walks about excitedly], 

BLUNTSCHLI. No : he's dead burnt alive. 

RAINA [stopping, shocked] Burnt alive ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. Shot in the hip in a wood-yard. Couldnt drag himself out. Your fellows' shells set the timber on fire and burnt him, with half a dozen other poor devils in the same predicament. 

RAINA. How horrible ! SERGIUS. And how ridiculous ! Oh, war ! war ! the 

dream of patriots and heroes ! A fraud, Bluntschli, a hollow sham, like love. 

RAINA [outraged] Like love ! You say that before me ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. Come, Saranoff : that matter is explained. 

SERGIUS. A hollow sham, I say. Would you have come back here if nothing had passed between you except at the muzzle of your pistol ? Raina is mistaken about our friend who was burnt. He was not my informant. 

RAINA. Who then ? [Suddenly guessing the truth] Ah, Louka ! my maid, my servant ! You were with her this morning all that time after after Oh, what sort of god is this I have been worshipping ! \He meets her gaze with sardonic enjoyment of her disenchantment. Angered all the more, she goes closer to him, and says, in a lower, intenser tone] Do you know that I looked out of the window as I went upstairs, to have another sight of my hero ; and I saw something I did not understand then. I know now that you were making loveto her. 

SERGIUS (with grim humor] You saw that ? 

RAINA. Only too well. [She turns away, and throws her- self on the divan under the centre window, quite overcome], 

SERGIUS [cynically] Raina : our romance is shattered. Life's a farce.. -Jk 

BLUNTSCHLI [to Raina, goodhumoredly] You see: he's found himself out now. 

SERGIUS. Bluntschli : I have allowed you to call me a blockhead. You may now call me a coward as well. I refuse to fight you. Do you know why ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. No ; but it doesnt matter. I didnt ask the reason when you cried on ; and I dont ask the reason now that you cry off. I'm a pj^fessianal soldier : I jfigh^when I have to, and am very glad to get out of it when I havnt to. Youre only an amateur : you think fighting's an amusement. 

SERGIUS. You shall hear the reason all the same, my professional. The reason is that it takes two men real men men of heart, blood and honor to make a genuine combat. I could no more fight with you than I could make love to an ugly woman. Youve no magnetism : youre not a man, youre a machine. 

BLUNTSCHLI [apologetically] yuTte true, quite true. I always was that sort of chap. I'm very sorry. But now that youve found that life isnt a farce, but something 

quite sensible and serious, what further obstacle is there to your happiness ? 

RAINA [rising] You are very solicitous about my hap- piness and his. Do you forget his new love Louka ? It is not you that he must fight now, but his rival, Nicola. 

SERGIUS. Rival ! ! [striking his forehead\ 

RAINA. Dont you know that they re engaged ? 

SERGIUS. Nicola ! Are fresh abysses opening ? Nicola ! ! 

SERGIUS [losing all self-control^ Viper ! Viper ! [He rushes to and fro, raging]. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Look here, Saranoff : youre getting the worst of this. 

RAINA [getting angrier] Do you realize what he has done, 

Captain Bluntschli ? He has set this girl as a spy on us ; and her reward is that he makes love to her. 

SERGIUS. False ! Monstrous ! 

RAINA. Monstrous ! [Confronting him] Do you deny that she told you about Captain Bluntschli being in my room ? 

SERGIUS. No j but 

RAINA [interrupting'] Do you deny that you were mak- ing love to her when she told you ? 

SERGIUS. No ; but I tell you 

RAINA [cutting him short contemptuously] It is unnecessary to tell us anything more. That is quite enough for us. [She turns away from him and sweeps majestically back to the window~\, 

BLUNTSCHLI [quietly, as Sergius, in an agony of mortifica- tion, sinks on the ottoman, clutching his averted head between his fists] I told you you were gettingthe worst of it, Saranoff. 

SERGIUS. Tiger cat ! 

RAINA [running excitedly to B!untschli~\ You hear this man calling me names, Captain Bluntschli ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. What else can he do, dear lady ? He must defend himself somehow. Come [very persuasively] : dont quarrel. What good does it do ? [Raina, with a gasp, sits down on the ottoman, and after a vain effort to look vexedly at 

Bluntschli, falls a viftim to her sense of humor, and can hardly help laughing]. 

SERGIUS. Engaged . to Nicola ! [He rises]. Ha ! ha ! [Going to the stove and standing with his back to it] Ah well, Bluntschli, you are right to take this huge imposture of a world coolly. 

RAINA [quaintly to Bluntschli, with an intuitive guess at his state of mind] I daresay you think us a couple of grown-up babies, dont you ? 

SERGIUS [grinning savagely"] He does, he does. Swiss civilization nursetending Bulgarian barbarism, eh ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [blushing] Not at all, I assure you. I'm only very glad to get you two quieted. There, there : let's be pleasant and talk it over in a friendly way. Where is this other young lady ? 

RAINA. Listening at the door, probably. 

SERGIUS [shivering as if a bullet had struck him, and speaking with quiet but deep indignation] I will prove that that, at least, is a calumny. [He goes with dignity to the door and opens it.A yell of fury bursts from him as he looks out. He darts into 

the pas sage ; and returns dragging in Louka, whom he flings violently against the table, exclaiming] Judge her, Bluntschli you, the cool, impartial man : judge the eaves- dropper. 

Louka stands her ground, proud and silent. 

BLUNTSCHLI [shaking his head~\ I musnt judge her. I once listened myself outside a tent when there was a mutiny brewing. It's all a question of the degree of provocation. My life was at stake. 

LOUKA. My love was at stake. [Sergius flinches, ashamed of her in spite of himself ']. I am not ashamed. 

LOUKA [facing her and retorting her contempt with interest] My love, stronger than anything you can feel, even for your chocolate cream soldier. 

SERGIUS [with quick suspicion, to Louka~\ What does that mean ? 

LOUKA [fiercely] It means 

SERGIUS [interrupting her slightingly] Oh, I remember : the ice pudding. A paltry taunt, girl ! 

Major Petkoff enters, in his shirtsleeves. 

PETKOFF. Excuse my shirtsleeves, gentlemen. Raina : somebody has been wearing that coat of mine : I'll swear it somebody with bigger shoulders than mine. It's all 

burst open at the back. Your mother is mending it. I 

wish she'd make haste. I shall catch cold. [He looks more 

attentively at them]. Is anything the matter ? 

RAINA. No. [She sits down at the stove, with a tranquil air]. 

SERGIUS. Oh no. [He sits down at the end of the table, as at first]. 

BLUNTSCHLI [who is already seated~\ Nothing, nothing. 

PETKOFF [sitting down on the ottoman in his old place"] Thats all right. [He notices Louka]. Anything the matter, Louka ? 

LOUKA. No, sir. 

PETKOFF [genially"] Thats all right. [He sneezes]. Go 

and ask your mistress for my coat, like a good girl, will 

you ? [She turns to obey ; but Nicola enters just then with 

the coat ; and she makes a pretence of having business in the room 

by taking the little table with the hookah away to the wall near 

the windows'], 

RAINA [rising quickly as she sees the coat on Nicola's arm] Here it is, papa. Give it to me, Nicola ; and do you put it to the Major, who stands up to put it on. Nicola attends to the fire], 

PETKOFF [to Raina, teasing her affectionately] Aha ! Go- ing to be very good to poor old papa just for one day after his return from the wars, eh ? 

RAINA [with solemn reproach] Ah, how can you say that to me, father ? 

PETKOFF. Well, well, only a joke, little one. Come : give me a kiss. [She kisses him]. Now give me the coat. 

RAINA. No : I am going to put it on for you. Turn your back. [He turns his back and feels behind him with his arms for the sleeves. She dexterously takes the photograph from the pocket and throws it on the table before Bluntschli, who covers it with a sheet of paper under the very nose of Sergius, who looks on amazed, with his suspicions roused in the highest degree. She then helps Petkojf on with his coaf\. There, dear ! Now are you comfortable? 

PETKOFF. Quite, little love. Thanks. [He sits down; and Raina returns to her seat near the stove]. Oh, by the 

bye, Ive found something funny. Whats the meaning of this ? [He puts his hand into the picked pocket]. Eh ? Hallo ! [He tries the other pocket]. Well, I could have sworn ! [Much puzzled, he tries the breastpocket], I wonder [trying the original pocket]. Where can it ? [A light flashes on him. He rises, exclaiming] Your mother's taken it ! 

RAINA [very red] Taken what ? 

JETKOFF. Your photograph, with the inscription : " Raina, to her Chocolate Cream Soldier : a souvenir." Now you know theres something more in this than meets the eye ; and I'm going to find it out. [Shouting] Nicola ! 

NICOLA [dropping a log, and turning] Sir ! 

PETKOFF. Did you spoil any pastry of Miss Raina's this morning 

NICOLA. You heard Miss Raina say that I did, sir. 

PETKOFF. I know that, you idiot. Was it true ? 

NICOLA. I am sure Miss Raina is incapable of saying ' anything that is not true, sir. 

PETKOFF. Are you ? Then I'm not. [Turning to the others] Come : do you think I dont 'see it all ? [He goes to Sergius, and slaps him on the shoulder], Sergius : youre the chocolate cream soldier, arnt you ? 

SERGIUS [starting up] I ! A chocolate cream soldier ! Certainly not. 

PETKOFF. Not ! [He looks at them. They are all very serious and very conscious~\. Do you mean to tell me that Raina sends photographic souvenirs to other men ? 

SERGIUS [enigmatically] The world is not such an in-nocent place as we used to think, Petkoff. 

BLUNTSCHLI [rising"] It's all right, Major. I'm the chocolate cre'am soldier. [Petkoff and Sergius are equally astonished]. The gracious young lady saved my life by giving me chocolate creams when I was starving : shall I ever forget their flavour ! My late friend Stolz told you the story at Peerot. I was the fugitive. 

BLUNTSCHLI. What nonsense ! I assure you, my dear Major, my dear Madame, the gracious young lady simply saved my life, nothing else. She never cared two straws  for me. Why, bless my heart and soul, look at the young lady and look at me. She, rich, young, beautiful, with  her imagination full of fairy princes and nx>ble natures and cavalry charges and goodness knows what ! And I, a commonplace Swiss soldier who hardly knows what a decent life is after fifteen years of barracks and battles : a vagabond, a man who has spoiled all his chances in life through an incurably romantic disposition, a man 

SERGIUS [starting as if a needle had pricked him and interrupt- ing Bluntschli in incredulous amazement} Excuse me, Blunt- schli : what did you say had spoiled your chances in life ? 

BLUNTSCHLI [promptly] An incurably romantic disposi- tion. I ran away from home twice when I was a boy. I went into the army instead of into my father's business. I climbed the balcony of this house when a man of sense would have dived into the nearest cellar. I came sneaking back here to have another look at the young lady when any other man of my age would have sent the coat back 

PETKOFF. My coat ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. yes : thats the coat I mean would have sent it back and gone quietly home. Do you suppose I am the sort of fellow a young girl falls in love with ? Why, look at our ages ! I'm thirty-four : I dont suppose the young lady is much over seventeen. {This estimate produces a marked sensation, all the rest turning and staring at one another. He proceeds innocently] All that adventure which was life or death to me, was only a schoolgirl's game to her chocolate creams and hide and seek. Heres the proof ! [He takes the photograph from the table]. Now, I ask you,would a woman who took the affair seriously have sent me this and written on it :" Raina, to her Chocolate Cream Soldier : a souvenir" ? [He exhibits the photograph triumphantly, as if it settled the matter beyond all possibility of refutation]. 

PETKOFF. Thats what I was looking for. How the deuce did it get there? 

BLUNTSCHLI \to Raina, complacently] I have put every- thing right, I hope, gracious young lady. 

RAINA [in uncontrollable vexation] I quite agree with your account of yourself. You are a romantic idiot. [Bluntschli is unspeakably taken aback]. Next time, I hope you will know the difference between a schoolgirl of seventeen and a woman of twenty-three. 

BLUNTSCHLI [stupejied] Twenty-three ! [She snaps the photograph contemptuously from his hand; tears it across ; and throws the pieces at his feet], 

SERGIUS [with grim enjoyment of his rival's discomfiture"] 

Bluntschli : my one last belief is gone. Your sagacity is a fraud, like all the other things. You have less sense than even I have. 

BLUNTSCHLI [overwhelmed^ Twenty -three ! Twenty- three !! [He considers"]. Hm ! [Swiftly making up his mind~\ In that case, Major Petkoff, I beg to propose formally to become a suitor for your daughter's hand, in place of Major Saranoff retired. 

RAINA. You dare ! 

BLUNTSCHLI. If you were twenty-three when you said those things to me this afternoon, I shall take them seriously. 

CATHERINE [loftily polite] I doubt, sir, whether you quite realize either my daughter's position or that of Major Sergius Saranoff, whose place you propose to take. The Petkoffs and the Saranoffs are known as the richest and most important families in the country. Our position is almost historical : we can go back for nearly twenty years. 

PETKOFF. Oh, never mind that, Catherine. [To Blunt- schli] We should be most happy, Bluntschli, if it were only a question of your position ; but hang it, you know, Raina is accustomed to a very comfortable establishment. Sergius keeps twenty horses. 

BLUNTSCHLI. But what on earth is the use of twenty horses ? Why, it's a circus I 

CATHERINE [severely] My daughter, sir, is accustomed to a first-rate stable. 

RAINA. Hush, mother : youre making me ridiculous. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Oh well, if it comes to a question of an establishment, here goes ! [He darts impetuously to the table and seizes the papers in the blue envelope} How many horses did you say ? 

SERGIUS. Twenty, noble Switzer. 

BLUNTSCHLI. I have two hundred horses. [They are amazed~\. How many carriages ? 

SERGIUS. Three. 

BLUNTSCHLI. I have seventy. Twenty-four of them will hold twelve inside, besides two on the box, without counting the driver and conductor. How many tablecloths have you ? 

SERGIUS. How the deuce do I know ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. Have you four thousand ? 

SERGIUS. No. 

BLUNTSCHLI. I have. I have nine thousand six hundred pairs of sheets and blankets, with two thousand four hundred eider-down quilts. I have ten thousand knives and forks, and the same quantity of dessert spoons. I have six hundred servants. I have six palatial establishments, besides two livery stables, a tea gardens and a private house. I have four medals for distinguished services ; I have the rank of an officer and the standing of a gentleman ; and I have three native languages. Show me any man in Bulgaria that can offer as much ! 

PETKOFF \with childish awe] Are you Emperor of Switzer- land ? 

BLUNTSCHLI. My rank is the highest known in Switzer- land : I am a free citizen. 

CATHERINE. Then, Captain Bluntschli, since you are my daughter's choice, I shall not stand in the way of her happiness. \Petkoff is about to speak] That is Major Petkoff's feeling also. 

PETKOFF. Oh, I shall be only too glad. Two hundred horses ! Whew ! 

SERGIUS. What says the lady ? 

RAINA [pretending to sulk] The lady says that he can keep his tablecloths and his omnibuses. I am not here to be sold to the highest bidder. 

BLUNTSCHLI. I wont take that answer. I appealed to you as a fugitive, a beggar, and a starving man. You ac- cepted me. You gave me your hand to kiss, your bed to sleep in, and your roof to shelter me 

RAINA [interrupting him] I did not give them to the Em- 

peror of Switzerland. 

BLUNTSCHLI. Thats just what I say. [He catches her hand quickly and looks her straight in the face as he adds, with confident mastery] Now tell us who you did give them to. 

RAINA [succumbing with a shy smile] To my chocolate cream soldier. 

BLUNTSCHLI [with a boyish laugh of delight] Thatll do. Thank you. [He looks at his watch and suddenly becomes busi- nesslike]. Time's up, Major. Youve managed those regi- ments so well that youre sure to be asked to get rid of some of the Infantry of the Teemok division. Send them home by way of Lorn Palanka. Saranoff : dont get married until I come back : I shall be here punctually at five in the evening on Tuesday fortnight. Gracious ladies good evening. [He makes them a military bow, and goes\* 

SERGIUS. What a man! What a man!